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Why You Need To End Your “Situation-ship” And Respect Yourself More

by Mika

I too low key feel bad for Tasha and all the other gals that have gotten caught in situationships (including myself), but at the end of the day, we asked for it.

We’ve all been there. Being involved with someone but not quite in a relationship and not quite just friends either. It looks, feels and walks like a relationship but the “title” that we sometimes psych ourselves out to believe “doesn’t matter,” is non-existent. We try to act like we are okay with this “situation-ship,” but really we aren’t and are secretly longing for much more. At least from my experience, I was.

I was in a situation-ship for too long for a good portion of very young life, psyching myself out almost the whole time. When I first got to college, I was so over “boys” and very much into partying with my friends and maintaining a 3.5 GPA, what I like to call “doing me.” A relationship was honestly was the LAST thing that I wanted at the time. But then one day I met this dude, and it was buh bye single life, hello situation-ship.situationship netflix and chill

Our situation-ship got deep at one point. It mirrored what a relationship should have been but without the titles and on his part the commitment. We went on dates, bought each other gifts for birthdays and holidays, spent tons of time (including holidays) together, could talk about almost anything and had great moments together. I would often get asked about my situation-ship and would be stumped by the “so when are you guys are going to be together together?” questions because honestly, it didn’t make sense to me anymore either. Time flew by, and there we still were.nicki minaj #wut

I finally started to ask myself, why was I in a “committed” relationship that wasn’t a relationship in the first place? I told myself to leave many times, but when I would make my mind up to, he would say or do something that suckered me back in. Or I would psych myself into believing this could blossom into something serious when he was ready to stop “sampling” (which I was in denial that he was doing in the first place).

Towards the end of our situation, he brought up the idea that “it was time for us to be in a serious relationship.” By that time, it was too late, and I knew it was indeed time for this situation to come to an end. As magnificent as I would like to think I am, why would it ever take a man so long to realize he wants me and only me? Bye Felicia!

Fast forward to now, that chapter is completely closed. I was able to leave this one-sided relationship and feel like a greater woman because of it. If anything, it was a great learning experience as to what I will and will not deal with in an actual relationship. Here are some other things I learned along the way.

Labels absolutely DO matter. 

When you’re seriously involved with someone who you see yourself with long term, you will let the world know that. I’m not saying your boyfriend needs to blast you all over his social media, but weird run-ins with your partners “homies” where you’re introduced as the “friend” are not ideal. If you two go together, he’ll claim it.

The chances of a situation-ship blossoming into a serious relationship are slim to none.

I can only speak from my experience as a woman in a situation-ship but don’t fool yourself. Chances are the dude that you’re in a situation-ship with is in it because he’ll receive all of the benefits of a relationship without the commitment. That is a dream come true for him, especially. If you’re okay with being in a situation-ship, that’s fine, but don’t go into it wishfully thinking it will turn into something serious. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free, right?

It is highly probable (more like a no brainer) that he has multiple situations going on.

the boy is mine gif situationship

Men and women do not tackle this situation-ship thing the same. 90% of the time when a man isn’t “ready for a relationship” but wants to be in a situation with you and “see how things go,” he wants to swim with the many fishes that are in the sea. His many situations and player like lifestyle are probably stopping him from being fully committed to any one woman. He honestly is most likely out sampling “free milk.” Do you get my drift? Don’t avoid that lady instinct that you have been blessed with.

If you choose to be in a situation-ship, let it be just that.

As women, we are nurturers, and sometimes we can’t control what we are willing to do for others that we like or love. Or in this case, “situate.” If you decide to be in a situation-ship, there are no obligations, commitments, responsibilities, NONE. You don’t have to do the most for someone who isn’t even willing to fully commit to you. It’s totally up to you if you want to play house during your situation-ship but if you choose not to, he ain’t your man so he can’t say a damn thing and vice versa.

Someone is bound to catch feelings.

Unfortunately, most of the time, that would be us gals. I have yet to find people who are sexually involved, and neither of the two people catch feelings. And not just saying they haven’t caught feelings but haven’t caught any feelings what so ever. A sexual connection will inevitably play on one’s emotions.

“Play” safely in your situation-ship

safe sex using condoms

That means use protection. He’s is not your boyfriend or husband. More than likely, he’s doing all sorts of nasty things with lord knows who—which is fine for him. You need to make sure your sexual encounters are safe and clean. I’m not saying don’t have sex—play it safe. Also, if y’all couldn’t commit to a relationship I’m sure parenthood isn’t something you guys are considering either.

I’m sure every situation-ship isn’t created equally, but that is just my take on them from my personal experience.

What have you experienced in a situation-ship? (good and bad). Would you do it again?

6 comments

Rich Allen November 28, 2015 - 4:37 pm

I don’t know you, nor your not-a-boyfriend, so I only know what I read here. You claim you were hurt that it wasn’t a serious relationship.
But then when he proposed it, suddenly you found ten reasons to end it all. None of them make the least sense. A person takes as long as they take to make a decision. It’s never “too late” for it, if you actually want it.
IMO, in his head, probably he knew that you weren’t serious. After a long time he finally decided that maybe he had been wrong about you, and anyway, time was a-wasting while you two trifled with each other, so it was time to find out. He did.
My verdict is, no harm no foul. If you really wanted a relationship, you would have taken his offer after discussing it. Instead you ran to the exit.

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admin November 28, 2015 - 4:51 pm

Well by the time he asked, things had already hit the fan. I found out way too much that he did behind my back to ever take him seriously at that point. Honestly the only reason why he asked was because he knew I was on the last straw. I ran nowhere but rather closed the door on something that was destined for disaster and I’m so much happier because of it. Did that clarify for you?

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courtalex95 March 27, 2016 - 1:56 am

Mmmhmm, I agree with all of this. Good read

Reply
Rich March 27, 2016 - 10:26 am

That does clarify it. You have convinced me that at the end, he didn’t really change his mind, he just changed his tactics. If so, you were wise to close the door. I would guess that he kept trying to open it for a little while, then moved on down his list. GL & I hope you find the real thing.

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8 Things Love & Hip Hop Hollywood Can Teach You About Relationships - astoldbymika.com July 24, 2017 - 5:30 pm

[…] Suggested Read: Why You Need To End Your “Situation-ship” And Respect Yourself More […]

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Addicted to the D May 23, 2018 - 11:16 pm

Thank you for this post. I will nevah evah subject myself to a situationship. I now respect one night stands much more. My new motto; after I come, he goes.

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