We’ve all been there. Being involved with someone but not quite in a relationship and not quite just friends either. It looks, feels and walks like a relationship but the “title” that we sometimes psych ourselves out to believe “doesn’t matter”, is nonexistent. We try to act like we are okay with this “situation-ship” but really we aren’t and are secretly longing for much more. At least from my experience I was.
I was in a situation-ship for too long for a good portion of very young life, psyching myself out almost the whole time. When I first got to college, I was so over “boys” and very much into partying with my friends and maintaining a 3.5 GPA, what I like to call “doing me”. A relationship was honestly was the LAST thing that I wanted, at that time at least. But then one day I met this dude and it was buh bye single life, hello situation-ship.
Our situation-ship got really deep at one point. Our situation definitely mirrored what a relationship should have been but without the titles and on his part the commitment. We went on dates, bought each other gifts for birthdays and holidays, spent tons of time (including holidays) together, could talk about almost anything and really had great moments together. I would often get asked about my situation-ship and would be stumped by the “so when are you guys going to be together together?” questions because honestly it didn’t make sense to me anymore either. Time flew by and there we still were.
I finally started to ask myself why was I in a committed relationship that wasn’t a relationship in the first place? I told myself to leave many times but when I would make my mind up to, he would say or do something that suckered me back in or I would psych myself into believing this could blossom into something serious when he was ready to stop “sampling” (which I was in denial that he was doing in the first place). Towards the end of our situation, he actually brought up the idea that “it was time for us to be in a serious relationship”. By that time, it was too late and I knew it was indeed time for this situation to come to an end. As magnificent as I would like to think I am, why would it ever take a man so long to realize he wants me and only me? Bye Felicia!
Fast forward to now, that chapter is completely closed. I was able to leave this one-sided relationship and feel like a greater woman because of it. If anything it was definitely a great learning experience as to what I will and will not deal with in an actual relationship. Here are some other things I learned along the way.
Labels absolutely DO matter.
When you’re seriously involved with someone who you see yourself with long term, you will let the world know that. I’m not saying your boyfriend needs to blast you all over his social media but weird run ins with your partners “homies” where your introduced as the “friend” are not ideal. If you two go together, he’ll claim it.
The chances of a situation-ship blossoming into a serious relationship are slim to none.
I can only speak from my experience as a woman in a situation-ship but don’t fool yourself. Chances are the dude that your in a situation-ship with is in it because he’ll receive all of the benefits of a relationship without the commitment. That is a dream come true for him especially. If you’re okay with being in a situation-ship that’s fine, but don’t go into it wishfully thinking it will turn into something serious. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free, right?
It is highly probable (more like almost certain) that he has multiple situations going on.
Men and women do not tackle this situation-ship thing the same. 90% of the time when a man isn’t “ready for a relationship” but wants to be in a situation with you and “see how things go”, he just want’s to swim with the many fishes that are in the sea. It is probable that his many situations and player like lifestyle is stopping him from being fully committed to any one woman. He honestly is most likely out sampling “free milk”. Do you get my drift? Don’t avoid that lady instinct that you have been blessed with.
If you choose to be in a situation-ship, let it be just that.
As women we are nurturers and sometimes we can’t control what we are willing to do for others that we like or love or in this case “situate”. In the event that you decide to be in a situation-ship, there are no obligations, commitments, responsibilities, NONE. You don’t have to do the most for someone who isn’t even willing to fully commit to you. It’s totally up to you if you want to play house during the course of your situation-ship but if you choose not to, he ain’t your man so he can’t say a damn thing and vice versa.
Someone is bound to catch feelings.
Unfortunately most of the time that would be us women. I have yet to find people who are sexually involved and neither of the two people catch feelings. And not just saying they haven’t caught feelings but actually haven’t caught any feelings what so ever. A sexual connection will inevitably play on ones emotions.
“Play” safely in your situation-ship
That means use protection. Considering he is not your boyfriend or husband and may be doing all sorts of nasty things with lord knows who, you need to make sure your sexual encounters are safe and clean. Also, if y’all couldn’t commit to a relationship with one another, I’m almost sure committing to being parents isn’t quite up you guy’s alley either.
I’m sure every situation-ship isn’t created equally but that is just my take on them from my own personal experience.