Kids these days. They’re bold young folks, a world of data at their fingertips, and unlimited access to a universe of information, entertainment, and, well, anything. That is until there isn’t access. Then there are meltdowns. Then the bold becomes, apparently, so bold that we’re left reexamining the very definition of the term bold.
Formerly, bold was skydivers, careening in a freefall from 13,000 feet, defying gravity in a gamble against death. Nah. That’s old hat. It’s 2018 now. One Palo Alto teenager had a death wish and was willing to brave the risks he took in the name of his noble pursuit: WiFi.
The unnamed minor was out of data on his mobile phone plan. Naturally, he had to get WiFi because Instagram withdrawal is a serious issue. So he decided to do the most reasonable thing possible: break into someone’s house, wake them up in the middle of the night, and ask for their WiFi password.
The couple whose house the teen broke into was in their 60s, reasonably alarmed to be awakened in the wee hours by a masked teenager asking their WiFi password. Going from what sounds the plot of a horror movie to the stuff of SNL sketches, the child was ousted from the bedroom and the house.
“The male victim got out of bed, confronted the suspect, and pushed him down the hallway and out the front door of the house before calling the police. No one was injured,” Palo Alto police reported.
Apparently, the teen had been snooping around the neighborhood the previous week and did something similar to another house, but he stayed outside and asked that time. This second time he really went for it. Cutting open a window screen, he hopped into the house, went to their bedroom, and, literally woke them up to ask for their WiFi password.
“Hey — psssssst! — sorry to wake you, but can I, like, get on your WiFi?” Not a direct quote, but what we can only assume was going through his mind during the incident.
Starting his criminal record early, the kid was arrested. He also stole a bike from the couple and attempted to use it as his getaway vehicle. Both he and the bicycle were apprehended. The bicycle was returned to the victims. The teen is being charged with felony burglary, prowling, and, to top it all off, giving false information to police officers. “It wasn’t me, I swear!”
Words escape us. Wait until morning and go to a coffee shop next time.