America is an interesting place. We love lots of very particular things. We build the biggest this and cook the largest that. We eat, like, 66.5 plus pounds of beef every year, but by goddess we have a 5k for every imaginable event, holiday, weekend, anything. It’s called balance, sweetie, look it up.
In the spirit of fitness and balance, let’s stretch our way to Boerne, Texas this Cinco de Mayo for a quintessentially American event. Not a 5k, it’s a 0.5k. Making jest at the multitude of charitable 5k races sprinkled across the country, this event is being described as the running event for the rest of us. Specifically welcoming underachievers on the event flier, this race has everything: bars at start and finish lines providing free beers for runners, a coffee and donut stop in the middle of the 0.5k “course”, a costume contest, and participatory memorabilia for all contestants and non-contestants. You can pay $25 to be a “wannabe racer” and get a “pretentious oval 0.5k bumper sticker” and other race swag because it’s super inclusive. The best part? It’s only about 500 yards short (or long).
It grew so popular, being covered by various news outlets that the race can’t accept more runners. Hence, they developed the “Procrastinators Prize Pack” for the people who want to donate and look like they ran the distance. Oh, and the $50 VIP package offers even more comfort, literally shuttling VIP passengers (can we even call them runners now?) the whole distance in a ’60s Volkswagen bus. Or, as they bill it, “swag without the effort!”
Even though the nature of the event is meant to playfully poke fun at charity 5k races, the 0.5k is a fundraiser for Blessings in a Backpack, which is a charity that assures underprivileged students are provided meals while not in school over the weekend. Reaching viral popularity, the underachievers’ 0.5k race is raising a lot of money for their cause and they’re having a ball while doing it.
There’s finally a race to match pizza as America’s favorite comfort food. The 0.5k comfort race, where you’re barely racing at all. Get out there and run from starting beer to finishing beer, take a donut break in the middle, get a slice after, blast it on social media, and enjoy your time. We know that a great cause and some good fun go hand in hand. You even have an extra hand for your beer.